The Forss House Fishings
Timeshare

by Thurso, Caithness, Scotland

Estuary

FISHING
Beat plans
Gyrodactylus
Tide tables
Forss Almanac
Code of Practice

CATCHES
Current Daily and Weekly Tables
Best Fish of the Season
Current statistics
Weekly Fishing
Superintendent's Scrapbook
Annual Summary

RODS
Rod valuations
Rods sales/transfers

CONTACTS
The Management Board
The Fishing Superintendent
The Administrator
Contact us
All Archives

Superintendent's Scrapbook 

09/10/19 If someone had said back in May with all the diseased fish about that we would end the season with at least 150 fish I would have bitten their hand off so well done Richard Packard who landed our 150th from Lower Wood today!

27/09/19 3 more in the book but the air/water temperatures are all over the place. Need some frost.

Just got a part time job bursting people's boils for no charge. Freelance...

26/09/19 Not an easy time for our week 32 rods. Just 3 fish so far...

I left my brand new carbon road bike in Halkirk primary school only to come back and find it all smashed up. My fault as I was handing out leaflets saying: 'Vandalism: Let's break the cycle'

24/09/19 Poor start to the week with just one fish recorded so far. Have to hope it improves, surely?

Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer...

20/09/19 Freezing cold Monday and 22c today! Not a cloud in the sky, and the forecast for tomorrow is the same but with wind.

I'm quite disappointed that the World Origami Championships are only on paper view...

19/09/19 Catches slowing down now and the big yellow thing is forecast for the next day or two, it gives me the chance to give the Beats a last mow of the season tomorrow.

I started off my working life as a Formula One mechanic but I left as I didn't like the environment I was working in. It was the pits...

18/09/19 A better fishing day but only 2 phoned in so far. Salmon fishing is a fickle sport.

Helen wants us to split up because of my obsession with Big Brother. Who goes? You decide....

12/09/19 Good to see the 'scoreboard' ticking over this week.

A good friend of mine is addicted to drinking brake fluid. He insists he can stop at any time...

10/09/19 Heavy rain tonight and more forecast for the next few days, thankfully I got the upper beats mowed on Monday.

Sadly Helen's clothes horse is now broken beyond repair after 30 years of loyal service. It's the end of an airer....

05/09/19 Steady catches now. Even better, just the one showing disease. Fingers crossed..

Our local village TV repairman got married at the weekend in Thurso-the reception was fantastic..

03/09/19 That's Beat 2 producing fish now-upper Beats should do okay next day or so if the water doesn't go too high. Rain forecast for tomorrow afternoon.

I attended my night class at Thurso College earlier on tonight. "How to make counterfeit money". I made notes afterwards....

02/09/19 Just as I thought, Beat 1 was the only likely place for a couple of fish today. Rest of the river was just too high and fast.

My next door neighbor got burgled over the weekend and they took all his crisps, biscuits and chocolate bars. Thurso police suspect it was a local snackhead...

29/08/19 Couple of fish so far-considering the conditions not bad at all-a few lost too. Rain due Saturday apparently.

I went to the barbers in Thurso earlier today and said, "I want my hair cut like Tom Cruise." He got a cushion out and placed it on the chair!

27/08/19 Past 2 days have been far too bright for fishing, just the one rod fishing for now.

I'm giving up my Thurso gym membership. It's just not working out..

23/08/19 Seems to be more fish up above than below for now with Beats 3 & 4 both producing a brace of grilse today.

Just finished watching a film about a woman who broke her leg. It had a great cast...

13/08/19 More duck weather incoming...

09/08/19 With the amount of rain we have had so far today and as it continues into the evening, a major spate is all but inevitable. Be unfishable by the morning guaranteed.

Helen asked me to stop singing 'I'm A Believer' by The Monkees earlier on this evening because she found it annoying. At first I thought she was joking...

But then I saw her face...

01/08/19 In my very humble opinion..2 scenarios... A. There aren't that many fish around or B. They are hiding in the depths of Beat 1. I think it's probably a combination of the two. I've yet to see a decent swim of fish in Crosskirk Bay this year, granted the fish are running in but not in the numbers you'd hope to see. the next few weeks should hopefully see a change to that. 

Today I spent about four hours at the laryngitis clinic. Roughly speaking....

29/07/19 Fish in most of the pools in the lower river but still a reluctance to take for some reason. Thankfully only 2 dead and bloated fish to remove from Beat 1 today but the smell.........

Helen accused me of being a cross-dresser at the weekend so I packed her things & left....

24/07/19 Clearly there's something amiss. We have good water and plenty of fish showing on Beat 2 but a complete lack of interest to anything thrown at them..

Have you tried blindfolded archery? You don’t know what you’re missing....

23/07/16 Yesterday was a day of drizzle and high humidity, just perfect for the Caithness midge, today brought clear blue skies and bright sunshine with high temperatures, just perfect for the Caithness cleg (horseflies). I much prefer the honesty of the midge attacks compared to the sneaky stealth attacks from the cleg.

Teenagers will be collecting their exam level results soon with pass rates in Maths expected to top 97%. The other 8% failed.....

16/07/19 I saw just 3 diseased fish today so hopefully the spate we had last week has helped to clear them out however it really is far to early to say for certain that we are over the worse.

My best friend has schizophrenic delusions that he is either Adolf Hitler or Winston Churchill. He's his own worst enemy...

12/07/19 Too much water now! Still we managed a clean sealiced grilse in the afternoon from Beat 2. I'm really hoping that we can now turn a corner with regards to the diseased fish. Fingers crossed.

I came out of Tesco's earlier and there was a woman there crying her eyes out. She'd lost all her holiday money. I felt so sorry for her that I gave her £50. I wouldn't normally have done that but I'd just found £2000 in the car park on the way in....

11/07/19 New router arrived today and we are back in business! Quite why a device with no moving parts should fail is beyond me though? The good news is that the river is in spate which should push out the majority of the corpses and the swimming dead that were still in the system. I fully expect that a few fish will relocate onto Beat 1 for the quieter water so I'm sure I will be back to pulling dead fish out next week. I must have taken at least 50 dead fish out for disposal already.. I didn't really enjoy tonight's dinner of fish pie for some reason.

I once had a job in a tiddlywinks factory but didn't like it... counter productive...

07/07/19 Got the 5 samples needed yesterday though the final fish proved to be elusive for a while. Took another 7 dead fish out today, mainly grilse. A few more bloated rotting carcasses to collect in the next few days I'd imagine. Nice...

03/07/19 Fish Health Team up from Aberdeen tomorrow to take live samples of the diseased fish. Be a chase round the Falls pool for me. 5 fish needed. Weather looking pants too. Hey ho.

02/07/19 All of this weeks rods took one look at the diseased and dying fish in the Falls and have decided on other things this week. I took out 12 dead yesterday in various states of decay, not a pleasant task as you can well imagine. there will be others to dispose of as the days roll on.. 

Back in my youth I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I managed to turn myself around....

27/06/19 The rain never came so we are stuck with these poor fish in the system, such a shame. Most of this weeks anglers left 2 days ago and who can blame them. Still no sign of any new arrivals in the bay.

Ah those childhood summers..... When we climbed inside old tyres & rolled down hills. THOSE were the Good Years..

22/06/19 Quite a few diseased fish still in the system with secondary symptoms (saprolegnia fungus). Major rain forecast for Monday so hopefully a decent spate will flush them out.

My Great Grandad died in the war skewered on a bayonet. He was pronounced dead on a rifle....

13/06/19 Couple of fish lost yesterday and another four reported lost today! I got this in Thurso High School as a young loon in the late 70s for doing a lot less and you didn't want to come back for more! You have been warned...

11/06/19 Plenty of fish showing on Beats 1 & 2 but alas nae luck. It's more like winter out there today.

Our local prosthetic limbs business in Halkirk has been taken over for the 15th time in five years. These kind of firms are always changing hands....

07/06/19 Very bright today but if I'm honest which I always strive to be, there just isn't that many new fish arriving for now. I sat for some time at Crosskirk scanning the bay today and no sign of the "nervous water" which indicates fish incoming.

I can't work Helen out sometimes. First she says "Yes fine, have a tattoo". Now she's moaning about the bagpipers in the garden...

06/06/19 A few new grilse arrived on 2 today but shy of the fly for some reason. Rained most of the day-dreich!

Lies from everyday life: I know it's none of my business...

05/06/19 Clearly we had a run of fish last week, clearly there was nothing at the back of them...More water forecast for tomorrow, lets hope that brings in a few more..

03/06/19 Drawers up and down springs to mind! The Forss always fishes better the day after rain but we haven't had that scenario for a while.

One of my best friends was killed with a starting pistol today.

Police think it may be race-related....

01/06/19 More rain, river up and down, never easy when it's like this. Need some settled.

Helen just left me because I’m so arrogant. I told her to close the door on her way back in...

31/05/19 A bit concerning that only cock fish appear to be running the river for now.....

30/05/19 A good few lost fish already this week but at last the rods are getting the hang of it with 3 quality fish grassed today.

I was playing chess with a friend and he said, ‘Let’s make this interesting’. So we stopped playing chess....

28/05/19 Fish are showing but only a small grilse today, bit dirty and high yet and the yellow peril was out.

In my younger days I got sacked as a doctor after I messed up a patient's plastic surgery. I’ll never forget the look on his chin...

27/05/19 A lot of rain on Sunday gave us a spate today which has meant a dirty river and really too much water, we will be busy as soon as the water recedes and clears.

There are five types of people in the world those that can count and those who can't....

25/05/19 See, I told you so! (see yesterday) 5 more quality fish recorded in the book so far at 1910 hrs.

Our local chippy has started using glossy mags instead of newspaper. I’m now eating them out of House and Home...

24/05/19 A welcome rise in water levels and fish observed running for the first time this year at Crosskirk! Most of this weeks anglers have gone but for those that remain there should be every chance of a fish or 2 in the morning.

Skiers. Always carry a dog biscuit in your pocket. That way in the event of an avalanche the rescue dog will find you first....

09/05/19 Couple of diseased fish in Brogie, one above the bridge, one below. Doubtful if they'll survive unless we get a sudden increase in water levels.

As human remains are discovered in a tomb near an Aldi in Southend, archaeologists say he'd probably be still alive if they'd opened another checkout.....

07/05/19 Be zero soon on the gauge I'm afraid to say. Call of nature at 7am this morning and it was white with frost outside. Strange weather..

If I had a pound for every time someone told me I was rubbish at arithmetic I'd have £29.60...

06/05/19 Just  a trickle of water now at 1.5 inches on the Crosskirk marker. Very difficult..

30/04/19 It's been a very challenging week so far and it's only Tuesday, but as it progresses things are looking up!

Just knew I was going to get chucked out of The Optimism Society......

25/04/19 Just about hanging on to 3 inches on the gauge, a few showers today but we now need a deluge. Fish are still being seen though, you just never know with salmon fishing.

Attention all pet lovers. Taking a dog called "Shark" on the beach is probably not the greatest of things to do.....

24/04/19 A few more fish seen on 1 today and apparently one lost in Rock pool yesterday. I've been busy down at Crosskirk demolishing the old wall in the middle of the parking area and will be spreading hardcore over this area in the next day or so.

A good friend of mine is being investigated after being involved in an bizarre chocolate robbery. He has a Bounty on his head.....

23/04/19 Back to a very cold South Easterly wind. I'm sure if conditions would improve we would be back to using Biros and writing in Return Books.. At least fish were showing today on Beat 1. There's always a chance!

Punctuation who needs it......

22/04/19 Factor 33 weather today, hardly a cloud in the sky. Poor conditions and no sign of a reprieve.

Fed up defending my friend every time someone calls him a freak. He needs to learn to stand on his own four feet.....

16/04/19 Getting tougher by the day, more gales and a rapidly dropping river. No sign of wet stuff on a long range...

15/04/19 Easterly gales today so not easy to wet a line.

10/04/19 Another 2 fish landed today, sealiced. Surely we can expect another brace before the week's end?

09/04/19 Couple of fish so far this week, both fresh as. Today was bright and brassy and the East wind is still prevalent, brrrr.

Apparently apple now supports windows.....

04/04/19 With a rising river it was always going to be a "hard day at the office". Tomorrow should see far better conditions though I note that we still have that cold East wind with us.

I just downloaded the Bohemian Rhapsody movie. I think it was filmed in a cinema though, I see a little silhouetto of a man....

03/04/19 What a day of rain and throw in a bitterly cold East wind for good measure! Angling effort was understandably minimal but despite that a fish was hooked and lost in Byre and another came to the fly in Long. There's obviously a few fish about and when the conditions improve we will be back in business.

Rang the Scam Victims' Helpline. Now all I need to do is send their £400 admin fee and they'll examine my case....

02/04/19 A few fish seen today but nothing doing. This afternoon got really cold and it's now absolutely horrible out there with strong biting winds and driving rain. The forecast for tomorrow looks pretty poor but at least if the rain continues it should help the cause.

Let's recreate iconic scenes from Raiders of the Lost Ark. Who wants to get the ball rolling?

01/04/19 First fish in the book today just as I predicted. Well done Mike Shepley who wins a lovely bottle of our new local malt, "The Wolfburn" for returning the 7lb cock fish. The fish had long tail sealice attached which really shows the benefit of the work done to the outflow the past year or so (just 5.5 inches on the gauge). I hope to get a photo or two to add to the weeks report on Sunday. There could well be further to add by then...

Don't know why I thought I had the capability to look after a load of witless lions. Me and my foolish pride....

27/03/19 Saw a fish move in the Long Pool today as I was passing, could have been a kelt but equally could have been a springer.

My school teacher said I would be hopeless at poetry due to my dyslexia, but she was so very wrong, I've made 2 jugs now and a lovely vase..

26/03/19 The water we had has quickly emptied itself out in Crosskirk Bay and we now have just 10 inches on the marker. I was down at the bothy most of the day cleaning and saw no sign of any rods.

Early this morning I shot an albino grouse. Was fair game....

25/03/19 A perfect height of 16 inches today, water clear and no rods fishing. What a waste.

The RBS said I needed a new eight character password. It was rejected. I picked Snow White & the Seven Dwarves....

24/03/19 Terrible weather here in Caithness, back to winter although at least the days are stretching out.

Confused. Just spent an hour trying to get a sticker off Helen's new non-stick pan...

22/03/19 Still a bit of colour in the water after the high water at the start of the week. I'm putting this down to the ploughing effort in the nearby fields ahead of sowing. First lambs showing off in the fields in a bitterly cold south westerly wind.

Avoid the hassle of spending an hour looking for a lost remote control.. by simply walking over to the TV & changing channels...

21/03/19 It's amazing how quickly the Forss system empties. We now have 11 inches on the gauge so now a top up would be welcome especially as rod owners will be arriving at the end of the month

Helen is furious that I unplugged the toaster kettle and microwave. It's all going off in the kitchen....

19/03/19 Dave Martin had hold of something briefly in the Byre Pool yesterday afternoon. Whether it was a kelt or a springer will never be known, but from experience, I doubt if a tired old kelt would stick around in Byre with 21 inches on the gauge.

Pleased to announce my documentary about colour blindness has been given the purple light....

18/03/19 I got by with a "little help from my friends" today getting the new walkways moved to repair the section down from the Long Pool so many thanks, Peter, Dave and Mark!

At Thurso High School my scatty maths teacher flew into a rage every time she did trigonometry. She tended to go off on a tangent....

16/03/19  I took up cycling just after New Year in an attempt to get rid of what I affectionately call my "Magners Belly".  Around a thousand cycled miles later it's still with me. Answers on a postcard....?

I've been accused of plagiarism. Their words, not mine...

15/03/19 Yet more rain. Last year was the same early on. We all know what happened after that.. Surely not the same for 2019?

My best friend always insists on chatting up a woman at the bar by talking about global warming. Says it's a great way to break the ice.....

14/03/19 Over this afternoon and 24 inches on the gauge, pretty dirty too. Bound to be fish in it now.

Convince folk you are channeling your dead gran by spitting on your handkerchief and trying to clean their faces....lol!

12/03/19 We had a fair bit of rain last night and we don't really need any more for a while but according to the forecast we are getting it anyway. The wind hasn't been too bad so far..

A good friend of mine attended a job interview recently and was asked if he could perform under pressure. He replied that he didn't really know that one but he could do a great rendition of Bohemian Rhapsody..

11/03/19 Yes the storm is on the way. Batten down the hatches I guess until Thursday by the looks of. Our Border terrier Ben, hates the wind so he will be pretty listless next few days.

I just heard that thieves stole 30 crates of Red Bull from the local village store a day ago. Don't know how they sleep at night....

10/03/19 Apparently we are due a big storm on Tuesday. So much for winter being nearly over. Caithness is a great place to live, however the weather can be a real pest at times.

Recently I was accused of having tedious monotone voice. I flatly denied it....

07/03/19 The rivers in spate now after persistent rain yesterday. It should drop overnight and there are 2 rods fishing Saturday. Looking back through the records, 2 years ago we had 2 fish during this week so our first can't be far away.

Shocked at being sacked from my part time job at the calendar factory... after all the extra days I put in....

05/03/19 It looks like the big mowers will be out in earnest early this year. I spotted a couple of starlings earlier today who were clearly 'looking for a nesting spot. Everything is advanced by about 2 months here in Caithness. I really hope there won't be ramifications to this in the coming months.

Helen started an argument after dinner over whether we have enough garden furniture. I'm sitting on the fence for now...

04/03/19 A day of wind and showers but nothing to the rain we are due on Wednesday. We do need some water now with the river around the 8 inch mark.

My seven-year- old thinks I expect too much from him. I told him we could discuss it when he gets back from work....

03/03/19 For the time of year its exceptionally mild. I can't ever recall the daffys being out in Caithness at the end of February. I even came across some Hairy Brodags ( hairy caterpillars) on a recent cycling ride up to Loch More. I hope this doesn't upset our wildlife further on in the year....

I've just tried to book a trip on the Kleptomaniacs Anonymous tour of Edinburgh but all the seats were taken.... 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

10/10/18 Been heavy rain past couple of days and the river is back in spate. Today is just like summer again

I'll never forget how happy I was last weekend as I saw Helen walking down the aisle.

My heart was beating fast and the excitement was unbearable.

It seemed to take an age but eventually there she was, stood beside me.

I gave her a cheeky wink and said "get that trolley over here, they're doing 3 cases of Magners for the price of 2!"

09/09/18 Back to the gardening today whilst it's STILL dry..

05/09/18 Couple of anglers arriving this evening to give Beat 1 a try in the morning.

Just watched an interview with Lance Armstrong, and he lied so much, I'm beginning to wonder if he ever landed on the moon at all...

04/09/18 A few fishes nosing the outflow again this afternoon on the high tide. Considerably less fish showing in the bay now.

Some men think that using a moisturiser after you've had a shave is a bit of a girly thing to do.

I don't, I just think it makes my legs lovely and soft......

28/08/18 Nobody fishing today so no surprise no fish.

I just ordered a chicken and an egg from Amazon. I'll let you know.......

23/08/18 Nothing in the bay at low tide today but they'll be back a look on the high. Everyone's gone home. 2018 is to be forgotten as a fishing season.

I know loads of jokes about cash machines, I just can't think of one ATM....

16/08/17 At last! Couple of fish taken in the estuary yesterday at high tide. Still no water in the river though.

Recently I got an invite to a wedding that said “black tie only".

But when I got there, everyone else was in tuxedos.

10/08/17 The Halladale had a good drop of water early in the week and I'm hearing they have 8 fish recorded for the week so far. Meanwhile, back at Moon Base Alpha....It's got to arrive sooner or later?

I bought a dog off our local blacksmith today and as soon as I got home, it made a bolt for the door...

09/08/17 A few light showers the past day or so but nothing to make a difference. Cold in the evenings, the woodburner has been on since the start of the week.

I was eating my tea last night when I suddenly thought to myself...

This milk must be seriously out of date.

07/08/18 Water levels are as I thought, already dropping away.

When I was down at Forss today a Sky repair van stopped and asked me what time it was. I said it's between 11am and 3pm....

06/08/18 A tad more water at zero now. Trouble is there is nothing at the back of it and this will be gone come Wednesday.

Stop Press.

If any angler who visited the Forss in the last month or so has lost a bundle of £20 notes amounting to some 2 thousand pounds and bound together with an elastic band, please contact me immediately.

I have your rubber band....

05/08/18 Even the rock fishing is poor. One wee polack for an hours worth of casting! I tried the same on a different tide on Saturday and blanked! Last year it was a fish every cast and some nice mackerel too. Hey ho.

Have you noticed how many Formula 1 drivers have names linked to Scotland?

Stirling Moss

Lewis Hamilton

Eddie Irvine

Ayr Town Centre...

02/08/18 Back to minus zero conditions. Only took a day. Going to show a couple of rods some spinning off the rocks to the right of the bothy if the swell is calm tomorrow. Be good to get a rod bent!

I never question myself.

Why should I start now?

30/07/18 Crikey, we have gone from minus zero on the gauge to zero after some heavy overnight rain! This will all but have gone in the next day or so with nothing more to back it up with.

I was given a leaflet the other day on anger management.

I lost it.........

27/07/18 Even hotter today! You'd be suprised how deep Lower Wood Pool is even in these conditions-I was happy to have the chest waders on whilst removing the remains of a fallen truck this afternoon although I now question my choice of neoprenes in this heat!

I told a friend of mine that  I was going to open a fishing tackle shop shop in Saudi Arabia.

"Dubai?" he asked.

"Yes" I replied "and sell."

26/07/18 The heat continues, 25c today and no sign of a let up. Already a few rods have cancelled for next week.

I ordered some stuff online yesterday and inadvertently used my Donor Card instead of my Debit Card.

Cost me an arm and a leg....

24/07/18 No ones fishing the river this week and no one can blame them.

Went to the library in Thurso today and I asked the librarian if the library had any books about paranoia.

She whispered, "They're right behind you..."

22/07/18 A bit of light drizzle as I write but nothing that will help our cause. It has perked the grass up so next week the mowers will be busy on the river.

Did you know that having sex whilst drunk in Iceland is banned? I don't know about ASDA or Tesco though...

20/07/18 A wee drop of rain overnight did nothing for us I'm afraid. Chatting to Tim Hawes on the Thurso today it seems many are already cancelling for next week. It really has been a terrible year for all concerned.

Bought one of those travelling irons yesterday.

Woke up this morning and it was gone.....

19/07/18 Mmmm, it would appear that a chunk of information that I have posted over the past few weeks has gone astray-We had some work recently done by the webmaster so that would explain it.

There are 3 unwritten rules in life.

1)

2)

3)

 

27/06/18 Must have been at least 27c here today.

I was down at Crosskirk at lunchtime, sat down enjoying a nice juicy hamburger from the sandwich place in Thurso, when a little old lady with a dog approached the bothy and sat next to me on the bench.. The dog was constantly yapping and begging for some of my burger.
I asked the little old lady, "Do you mind if I throw him a bit?"
She replied "Of course not."
So I picked the little bugger up and hurled him into the Seapool...

26/06/18 There are 4 fish on Beat 2, 3 in the Long Pool and 1 in Byre. You can clearly see them. No one is fishing for them. The good news is that there are fish appearing in the bay, not in numbers but at least a few have arrived.

Helen has just this minute left me because I'm too insecure...

No, wait she's back...

She was just making a cup of tea....

21/06/18 Still no sign of conditions improving, infact next week looks like it could be sunny just to add to our misery.

I just spent £50 to acquire a 5% share in the World Cup trophy if Egypt win it.

Bit worried now that it’s one of those pyramid schemes....

15/06/18 One or two fish nosing the outflow then offsky. No suprise really, they'd only make it as far as Brogie given the current levels, so better off where they are.

A very good friend of mine got sacked from Pets at Home recently. Got caught with his hand in the trill...

14/06/18 Hector gave us just one inch on the gauge which will have gone by the morning.  There doesn't seem to be much change in the present conditions for now.

Just had some terrible news about a close Korean friend of mine. He died. So Yung....

13/06/18 Hurricane Hector is on his way apparently but he doesn't appear to be staying around these parts for long. The reality is that we need a good few days of sustained rain now to make a difference.

I cut my finger on a margarine tub last week. Can’t believe it’s not better yet....

12/06/18 The fish that are in the bay, appear to be bigger summer fish in the 10-15lb bracket. There is rain and gales forecast for Thursday but we need an awful lot to make a difference

Apparently there was a kidnapping at our local village school.

It's fine, he woke up....

11/06/18 Saw a couple of fish in the bay today but nothing like the swims of fish we should be seeing in the estuary. This picture was taken from above Donnies today.

Plastic surgery used to be such a taboo subject.

Nowadays if you talk about botox nobody raises an eyebrow...

 

04/06/18 Minus zero it is then. This weeks rods have chosen to go trout fishing in various locations throughout the County which is a wise move considering the conditions for now. The forecast is showing more of the big yellow thing for the next few days so the trout could be equally difficult.

Last night I had a terrifying dream that I was being smothered by a gigantic seafood chowder. Woke up all clammy....

30/05/18 The one rod that's here fishing must be thoroughly fed up and sun burnt by now. 26c yesterday with around the same this afternoon. It won't be too long before I'm recording river levels of zero or even minus zero. It doesn't appear to be a lot better for next week either I'm afraid..

Just heard that the Italian government are finally installing a clock in the Leaning Tower of Pisa. After all, what good is the inclination if you don’t have the time?

23/05/18 That's me caught up with the grass cutting-this from Beat 4 today. Harry hotters!

22/05/18 This was up on 3 this afternoon-notice how low the river is? This was taken just above Donnies.

21/05/18 Crikey, a cold and wet day on the river. Not the rain we need so badly, just that annoying drizzle that soaks everything without getting anything wet if that makes sense?  I've the woodburner on at home now. Back to the grass if it's a fine day the mor.

20/05/18 A fine day for grass-not for fishing...

18/05/18 Another long day at the office I'm afraid...One of the Crosskirk farmers is confident of rain on Sunday-lets hope he's right!

Just bought some black market Mr Kiplings ... they were exceedingly good fakes....

17/05/18 Problem is...even if you get up mega early to avoid the sun it's cold, very cold. My 52 year old bladder got me up at 5am this morning and the grass was white with frost. 2.5 inches on the gauge, it's hard going.

I've just heard about the terrible accident at spaghetti junction-12 injured and 3 pastaway...

16/05/18 The sun is relentless for now, not a lot of point in trying to beat it either. I was up around 430am this morning answering the call of nature and the sun was out even then!

I just heard news that one of the locals nine year old daughter has disappeared after using moisturiser that makes you look ten years younger...

15/05/18 A better afternoon for fishing but the morning saw brilliant sunshine again. Some good swims of fish now showing in the bay which is encouraging. The rods are still out on Beat 1-there are fish on 2 but if you can see them then they can see you.

I just phoned the weak bladder helpline. Its 1p a minute....

14/05/28 John Fraser and Alan Cormie did a fantastic job of enticing 2 fish up from the depths of Beat 1 this morning in brilliant sunshine. The fish, which weighed in at 7lb & 12lb respectively weren't carrying lice but were estimated to have been in the river a few days. Well done both!

03/05/18 Another blank day although no suprise with apparently no tenants on the water. Away to Glasgow the next day or so but will get a catch up Sunday afternoon.

Some terrible news just in- Our local dog walker has been found dead in the woods nearby, Police have found the dog, but as of yet, they have no lead....

02/05/18 Nothing to report I'm afraid. Nice enough day but a cold wind prevails.

The experts are predicting an early summer as May is only expected to last a couple of weeks...

01/05/18 A far better day for fishing but no anglers on our water today. The mornings are very frosty for now until the sun breaks through. No sign of fish in our bay for the time being and the forecast doesn't look too promising for the next week or so. Sorry..

26/04/18 A couple of fish lost in Byre yesterday evening. Margins are slim in this game. A lack of fish in All the northeren rivers for now. Never a dull moment at Forss though-got this to attend to now-the walkway above is badly damaged too. The whole hill is moving.

Landslide

24/04/18 Hard going I'm afraid. The fish don't appear to be there in numbers around the coast for now. We can only hope for some improvement soon.

I thought I won the argument with Helen as to how to arrange the dining room furniture.

But when I got home the tables were turned.

21/04/18 Got these in at the start of the week by Hut Pool. 12 posts doesnt seem a lot but was sore the day after. Getting auld I guess.

Tied a skateboard to my ailing grandfathers back-he went downhill rapidly...

 

20/04/18 Starting to wonder when the main Spring run will start..almost the end of April and no sign of fish in significant numbers. Any fish that were in the system are either in Beat 1 or have made it up the Falls and away.

I thought about going on an all almond diet, but that's just nuts....

17/04/18 Really dire conditions the past couple of days. The first part of the morning is really all that is fit to fish, after that the Sun appears and that's it for the day. Last year at this time I was reporting sleet and snow!

I just got a part time job working in a full size cuckoo clock.

It's a bit dull but it gets me out of the house...

12/04/18 One of them days... I started out this morning complete with my brand new Moto 5G which I had bought just last week. Guess which part of Forss it ended up in as I was working on dismantling a dangerous section of walkway on Beat 2? Had to get another this afternoon and £129 lighter. Hey ho. I think I deserve a dram now..

Just had Saga on the phone, trying to sell me a hearing Maid ....

10/04/18 A kelt yesterday evening followed up by a cracking fresh cock fish from the Beat 1 Leans today for our solo 2 rods fishing. Hopefully more rods are due towards the end of the week. Unreal weather for now. Will it ever warm up?

Helen gets really annoyed if I mess with her red wine, so I've added fruit and lemonade to it and now she's sangria than ever...

05/04/18 Only one rod left on the river now. Today's weather was appalling with strong cold Easterlys and driving rain. It's been a good few years since early Spring has been so cold and wet here in the far North. Just have to hope for better.

Our local Police are looking for a man who is refusing to update his PDF reader.

He's described as 37, single with no fixed adobe...

04/04/18 Couple more entries in the Catch Return Book. Still cold for the time of year and you have to feel sorry for the new born lambs out in this.

"It's important we remember the true meaning of Easter" said the Archbishop of Cadbury

03/04/18 Encouraging that we are now seeing fish on Beat 2 so there must have been a run over the past few days. Nothing to report so far today though. The bad news is that it has turned very cold again and the sleet showers don't make for pleasant fishing conditions either.

A wee observation seeing as it's Easter-Jesus was well known as a Carpenter but interestingly enough he never sang on any of their albums....

02/04/18 I'm delighted to report our first fish of the 2018 season taken today from Brogie by Ruth Dudgeon. The fish which weighed 9lbs was safely returned. Ruth had lost a far bigger fish in the Falls Pool around an hour earlier, clearly perserverance is the key!

27/03/18 One wee cock kelt landed today down at the Seapool. Back to some really horrid weather I'm afraid, strong winds and plenty of rain. The river could be in spate tomorrow if these conditions continue.

Convert your garden into a beer garden by simply leaving it half-cut.....

26/03/18 You'd really expect to land a fish after it had stayed on for 10 minutes but this wasn't to be the case for one unfortunate angler today at the Byre Pool. Hopefully there may be some joy before the weeks over.

I've just started a fundraising campaign for golfers who despise putting. Feel free to chip in......

15/03/18 Just back in with Ben. It's Baltic out there! The forecast doesn't look like improving until Saturday when the wind is supposed to be getting weaker. Dave Martin is having a cast tomorrow and Saturday but he'll need his thermals on. River is at a good height of 15 inches.

Jimmy Savile.. Rolf Harris and Gary Glitter walk into an Irish pub. Landlord shouts: 'Oi.. Yewtree'.

14/03/18 Spring has done a U turn! We now have galeforce South Easterly winds and it's very cold for the time of year. The river sits at a very fishy 21 inches, we could do with things warming up a bit though- we only have one rod fishing for the time being.

The lottery gives you a 1 in a million chance you won't go to work tomorrow.

Alcohol gives you 1 in 5!

13/03/18 A far better day, almost felt like spring! The one rod that was out had no joy but the river is still running a tad high for now. Our first of the season can't be too far away now.

My bank just called me about suspicious activity on my account.

They didn't believe I bought a gym membership....

12/03/18 I was sent these 3 old pictures by rod owner Dick Longfield which we are able to publish here by kind permission of Bill Cottle of Everyman Ghillie Services. The fish landed is at least 25lb and possibly would make 30lb. These photos are taken by the Long Pool-You'll notice the absence of any trees on the right hand bank.

Fish On, Long Pool

26/02/18 Our webmaster as away on holiday so I am unable to do a weekly report until his return. Not that there is very much to report on. Fishing effort has been ad hoc due to the weather, it really is unpleasant in the extreme cold we are experiencing just now. I'm pretty sure there must be a fish or 2 in the system now, just a matter of time before a rod encounters one.

22/02/18 Two rods ventured out today for a couple of hours but nothing to report so far-very cold into the afternoon. Top of the day is probably your best chance.

Sorry people, I know this is not the usual type of thing discussed, but I'm really angry at this, and had to get it off my chest.

I've had rather sad news today.....After 7 years of medical training, a very good friend of mine, has been struck off, after just one minor indiscretion, he slept with one of his patients.

But the thing is, they already knew each other and were very good friends, long before any of this happened.
And so now because of this "minor indiscretion" he can no longer work in the profession that he absolutely loves.

What a huge waste of time, training, money and talent.
Despite all this he is a really nice genuine guy, and was an absolutely brilliant vet!

15/02/18 Opening Day.

13/02/18 Had this old photo sent to me via a Forss rod. This is my late father Hamish with an otter kill fish from the Thurso. I'm guessing this was around 1982-86. I've some real old ones of my Grandad somewhere ( I never met him) with 2 huge rod caught fish from the Thurso circa 1940s-I'll try and locate them. Whets the appetite eh?

12/02/18 Snow on the ground for our official opening day. Bacon rolls in the Hotel and coffee thawed us out! Hopefully post a picture or 2 soon. Tight Lines!

Just bought some Viagra tea bags.

They don't improve your sex life, but they stop your biscuits going soft...

25/01/18 A fair rise in river levels now that the snowmelt is beginning to move, cold at nights though and most mornings there's frost on the ground.

 I hurt my arm this morning and had to go to hospital for an x-ray, as I was sitting waiting to be seen, the man next to me said," Fair fae yer honest sonsieface! Great chieftain o' the puddin race!!" I was like, eh?!?!., I turned my head round to a women sat on my other side, she said, " ! Wee, sleekit, cow'rin, tim'rous beastie, O, what a panic's in thy breastie!" , As I grabbed the next doctor walking past I said, "doctor is this the psychiatric ward?" He said," no this is the Burns unit!

Happy Rabbie Burns Day!

24/01/18 The days are getting a wee bit longer now though the weather has yet to show much improvement. The snow has vanished and been replaced with rain and high winds. I finished building the 2 walkways for the bottom of the Hut Pool just before lunch and they are in my big shed ready to go over when the ground is fit for transport.

 Helen was on about leaving me earlier on because of my obsession with plants-"where's this stemming from petal?"

19/01/18 Some idiot got stuck on the track going down to the bothy at Crosskirk this afternoon and had to get one of the local farmers to pull him up the hill with a tractor. It was a white van with 54506 miles on the clock, very much like the one I drive......He won't be doing that again in the snow....

An insect flew into our kitchen last night, flew around a bit then exploded. I think it was a jihadi long legs..

18/01/18 Our wee river has finally dropped to 14 inches but this will be short lived when the snow starts to melt-Could be a few days though as it's still bitterly cold outside. Couple more walkways to build for the bottom of Hut Pool next week.

Our pet budgie broke his leg today so I used a couple of matches to make a splint. You should have seen his wee face light up as he attempted to walk....

16/01/18 Awoke to around an inch of snow this morning and it's bitterly cold. Not one rod passed the house today to fish the Thurso and who could blame them?

Our local cemetry has been forced to increase it's burial charges. It's the cost of living apparently...

15/01/18 A fine spring day but it would appear to be short lived with a low approaching and snow forecast. The days are getting a wee bit longer but the mornings are still pretty dark at 730am.

I just heard that a VicksVaporub Lorry has overturned on the A9. Police have confirmed there will be no congestion for at least 8 hours...

13/01/18 A bitterly cold day but still some brave souls out fishing the Thurso looking for that elusive springer!

I don't like boasting but I managed to complete a jigsaw this afternoon in around 10 minutes. It said 2-4 years on the box..

12/01/18 Just back from London-Very disappointed, tried to get on the London eye but it wasn't working -apparently it was on the blink..

11/01/18 A VERY HAPPY NEW YEAR! I was at the Thurso River Opening today. Bright conditions but a very frosty morning, even the wee Singleton I slipped into my coffee did little to warm me up. Our wee River is looking fine although some of the outflow at the river end needs a bit of attention due to some really high water over the last few weeks. Looking forward to catching up with a few familiar faces come the 12th Feb 2018! 

16/11/17 Was hoping for a few days in Orkney starting this evening but alas the ferry has been cancelled due to bad weather-looks like it will be Saturday night now.

Helen has just accused me of having an affair with a girl from Llanfairpwllgwyngyllgogerychwyrndrobwllllantysiliogogogoch.
How could she say that?

14/11/17 A better day with the rain and the wind gone-be dark soon though and it's only 320pm!

Helen said it was about time we walked down the aisle together so I very reluctantly helped her with the weekly shopping in Tesco...

06/11/17 A cold and wet day down at Crosskirk retrieving the salmon trackers for Marine Scotland, just about thawing out now!

Was down at the Doc's this afternoon and have been diagnosed with Hypochondria. I knew something was wrong with me....

04/11/17 Cracking autumn day here in Caithness. The geese are in poor supply on the fields though. I'm sure this is a result of the huge number of bales that are still lying out because of the wet fields and hence making the geese very wary.  Plenty on Loch Watten earlier.

I found a very full wallet in town today and I thought, as a good Christian "what would Jesus do?" So I turned it into wine...

02/11/17 A bit too mild for our fish to be on the redds just yet but it can't be too far away now.

After the hardest of years, I've finally managed to quit my Viagra habit..

01/11/17 Sat the other evening watching some rugby on the TV and Helen says " You haven't listened to a bloody word I've said have you?". What a strange way to start a conversation...

31/10/17 A typical driech autumn day in Caithness=not very nice. I bought myself a new sat nav for the van the other week. It's fantastic. Yesterday I passed a Zoo and it told me to bear left....

30/10/17 Our local pub were giving out a prize last night of £100 for the best Haloween outfit. Helen won it! She wasn't too happy though. She'd only come to give me a lift home....

27/10/17 A very cold wind blowing today when I was down at Crosskirk. The good news is that for now, the high tides are depositing new rocks into our newly built outflow which can only make the structure stronger, time will tell.  It's so easy to distract overweight people... A piece of cake...

26/10/17 My aunt and uncle run a butchers shop in Thurso. Over the years they have made a fortune selling lamb chops. They're minted..

25/10/17 I was in our local graveyard today when 6 blokes walked by carrying a coffin. Half an hour later the same 6 men with the coffin walked past again. I thought to myself.......They've lost the plot.

19/10/17 Helen just accused me of not taking her anywhere expensive so we're off to the garage to fill the van up...

12/10/17 Slowing down as the week goes on. Nothing new in that. Human nature.

I just quit my part time job down the sewers. I hated just going through the motions.

11/10/17 Picking away each day now. Over the 220 mark for 2017 with a few days left.

I just heard that the number of accidents caused by dropped knives has fallen sharply...

09/10/17 A good start to the last week of the 2017 season. Let's hope for some more sport in the next 5 days.

I was in the local curry house the other evening and got some terrible news. My naan had slipped into a Korma... 

06/10/17 A far better day for fishing but just one wee grilse added.

A friend of mine said to me, ‘You remind me of a pepper pot’.

I said ‘I’ll take that as a condiment’.

05/10/17 More of the same I'm afraid. High winds and rain are making for some really unpleasant fishing for the few brave souls that are venturing out on the Forss water this week.

I've just been sacked from my part time job as a theatre designer-I left without making a scene..

04/10/17 The bad weather continues-rain and gales day 3 with more for the morning. Just one more added from 3.

That evaporated milk is a bit of a con-I bought some from Tescos earlier today and have just discovered the can is completely full..

03/10/17 Another day of strong winds and rain. 2 more added to our tally though.

 I just called our local Sea Life Centre for some tickets.

They said my call would be recorded for training porpoises....

02/10/17 Some truly foul weather today, severe gales and rain. not a day for fishing.

Just had some people at my door trying to convince me that 'brown bread' was better than 'white bread'..

They were hovis witnesses..

29/09/17 A very fresh wee grilse of 3lb landed today in very bright conditions. You should see Monday's forecast....

Apparently there's a guy in London stealing all the coffee from the homeless. I just don't know how he can sleep at nights....

28/09/17 Another two added today but it's far from easy. Heavy winds forecast for the morning...

I was accepted for a position at our local Salt & Pepper factory but turned it down as it was only Seasonal work...

27/09/17 Chris Ramus (the guy who rescued our dismal accounts in 2013 and sorted them out into the very healthy state they are in today) caught our 200th fish of the season yesterday, seen here with the Superintendents Dram. Well done Chris and a big thankyou for all your hard work and in your own free time which I'm sure must be appreciated by the rest of the Forss rod owners!

  

26/09/17 A hard shift for just 4 fish today and we appear to have gales on the way just to make it even harder!

The other night I asked a very good friend of mine from Wales how many sexual partners he had been with. He started counting and fell asleep...

25/09/17 It's never going to be easy fishing a rising river, however another 4 were added to the book today.

Now for some sad news- I've just heard that the bloke who invented predictive text has pissed away. His funfair is next monkey.

14/09/17 There's a favourite saying of mine about a river that constantly goes up and down but as we have ladies fishing the Forss I'll naturally refrain..More rain on the way for Friday I'm afraid just as the river was settling down. Just have to hope things don't get too silly.

I just bought a new pair of shoes from a drug dealer. I'm not sure what he laced them with but I've been tripping ever since...

13/09/17 A better day with 4 landed despite some huge water. I think I overdid the rain dance at the weekend....

12/09/17 The river keeps rising! 30 inches on the Crosskirk gauge around 1pm (yes that's 30 inches Dave!). A dry spell is really what we need now-not often I'd put that in writing!

11/09/17 Ye Gods!-quite clearly we have done something to upset them. 44 inches at Brogie and the rain still persists! Unfishable for now. On a brighter note, Police Scotland have just phoned to say that our 3 piece suite which was stolen some months ago has been recovered. Great news as Helen was complaining it was starting to look a bit shabby...

08/09/17 When will the torture stop? All old fish in the river now and nothing new coming in. It's a sad end to the 2017 season for now. A very small consolation is that our neighbouring rivers are in the same situation.

07/09/17 Plenty of coloured fish about but nothing fresh, the bay is devoid of arrivals too. What can you do.....?

I started my working life as a banker but quickly lost interest....

04/09/17 A fair drop of rain this morning but sadly nothing added to our river height. A wee conundrum for you all....If Martha has 12 cakes and eats 10, why does she wear lycra.....

01/09/17 Bright sunshine all day long but nippy now with the sun going down.

A local man has been charged with beating up his neighbour using a clothes rail. He's been ordered to attend 'hangar' management classes.

31/08/17 New arrivals this evening. One lost and several more that came to the fly-midges spoilt the fun though. Encouraging.

I hate being bipolar, it's amazing....

30/08/17 Another blank day-quite depressing really.

I remember crying on my first day at school. I didn't know anyone and was scared and even doubted whether I even wanted to be a Teacher!

29/08/17 A few fresh fish about at last.

Our local pub is looking for staff. They need inn-experienced people apparently....

26/08/17 Several years ago I had all my major assets frozen. I'm never going skiing in crotchless pants again...

25/08/17 The lack of fish continues, our neighbouring rivers are experiencing the same. On a brighter note I've been busy with this 'wee' walkway handrail.

24/08/17 Just when you thought conditions couldn't possibly get any worse, a big yellow thing appears in the sky early this morning..A few fresh fish ran the Falls last night.

A good friend of mine and his wife have taken to wearing boxing gloves in bed with gum shields in their mouths and towels around their necks. Apparently they are going through a "Rocky" patch.

23/08/17 Some fresh fish attempting the Falls the other day. I thought I was doing the right thing by observing the solar eclipse through a colander but I appear to have strained my eyes...

22/08/17 Helen says she is leaving me because of my obsession with quizzes-is she a) Nagging b) Unfair c) Annoying

19/08/17 Apologies. I have had several owners asking why this page has been somewhat neglected over the past month or 2.

I have had some major domestic problems with both my own mother and Helen's mother now being diagnosed with dementia. I hope to resume this page on a more frequent basis once things have settled down-there is a lot to attend to as I'm sure you will understand. Best D.

14/08/17 Half our quota of anglers fishing today and nothing reported in so far.

Helen says I must get rid of my model Red Indians but I have my reservations....

27/07/17 I was going to write my Will today but life's just too short..

26/07/17 Mmmmm, just about picking away....Helen just passed her driving test and asked me to buy her something cheap to run around in, so I bought her a pair of trainers from Lidls..

14/07/17 Another 2 from yesterday. 3 inches on Crosskirk gauge. High tide.

 

11/07/17 Another outflow pic taken today.

06/07/17 River Outflow work started today-here's a pic or two. 4 inches on gauge at Crosskirk-lowtide.

 

29/06/17 No, my eyes are fine and another load of fish ran in today observed this morning at 9am and as I was leaving at 4pm this afternoon. My guess is that they know the rain is coming. Hopefully we will see an increase in water levels tomorrow. Looking good for the next few days sticking my neck out! Loads of fish in the river now..

My aunt Marge has been ill for so long now I'm thinking about changing her name to "I can't believe she's not better"....

28/06/17 Quite clearly it's time to go to Specsavers! I thought I saw at least 40 fish enter the river whilst having lunch down at the snuffhouse just after high tide today but we only have 4.5 inches on the gauge...Make your own mind up? Tenant rod, Losh Little has also booked an appointment. 

19/07/17 My new toy has arrived!

17/06/17 New Bridge at Brogie nearing completion.

09/06/17 8 fish lost today from Beat 2 due to the high water levels which meant it was almost impossible to bring fish under control. Dave Martin managed to grass a 12lb cock fish eventually. We need water levels to drop now just to improve access to the river! I'm expecting a fish or 2 tomorrow minimum-the river is full of water and FULL of fish!!

07/06/17 Unfishable after our rain. See below-the new bridge fully submerged!

 

06/06/17 Torrential rain all day and big numbers of fish in the bay. I would be amazed if we didn't have a significant spate to contend with in the morning and the fish will be running hard. Pictured below is the recent progress on the new Brogie Bridge with the old structure in the background. Taken today.

 

01/06/17 A fresh bright wee grilse for Ruth Dudgeon today from Long Pool. There's obviously the odd fish coming in at Crosskirk.

I just finished reading a study that said that women carrying a little extra weight live longer than the men who mention it...

31/05/17 As I suspected yesterdays rain did nothing for us and the sun today wasn't helpful at all. We really need water badly now..

Went to the gym tonight and there was this new machine. Used it for around an hour and felt sick. Its great though, does everything. Kit Kats, Mars Bars Snickers..

30/05/17 A fair bit of rain this afternoon but I doubt it will have much impact on water levels. Cold too at 9c.

If you say the word "gullible" quickly enough it sounds like "oranges". Go on try it....

29/05/17 Hardly anyone fishing the river today due to various reasons. Now....If we get the rain forecast, we could well be back in business midweek.

Always trust a glue salesman. They tend to stick to their word..

26/05/17 Temperatures were into the high 20s today with constant sunshine all day long. This didn't stop Dave Martin taking a fish from the Seapool early doors which he safely returned.

Apparently there's a new razor designed for dyslexics in the shops. It's the best thing since sliced beard..

25/05/17 No one fishing the river today and hardly suprising given the blazing sunshine. I almost donned my David Beckham speedos for a dip in the Seapool after cutting the opposite bank of Beat 1 this morning-now that would really have given the locals a fright!! Plenty of fish building up in the bay now. Just missing one ingredient..

I nearly joined up to one of those organ donation organisations but I just didn't have the heart..

24/05/17 Rods fishing late last night saw fish attempting the Falls. It appears they must have been successful in their attempt! Only the odd fish or 2 showing today mainly on Beat 1. We really need some of the wet stuff over a prolonged period to kick start things off again.

I just heard that my good friend Gavin has died through indigestion and heartburn. Can't believe Gaviscon..

23//05/17 Overnight rain gave us 7 inches on the gauge at Crosskirk this morning. No fish as yet to report, however owner Jim Fraser phoned me this afternoon reporting substantial numbers of fish running into the river at low tide. Fingers crossed for the remainder of the week.

Last night down the pub I bought an alcoholic ginger beer. He wasn't happy about it....

22/05/17 Good swims of fish in the bay now. All we need is water. The forecast doesn't look that encouraging though...Nice day for cutting Beat 4!

17/05/17 Another day of relentless sunshine is sadly all I can report. There's a few fish gathering in the bay now which bodes well for when the next significant rain reaches these parts..

I just repaired a button on my giant calculator which is a big plus...

16/05/17 Another couple of fish to add to the book today, good going with the conditions we have at present. That's 4 for the week so far with only 3 rods fishing and our Upper Beats of 3 & 4 left alone due to lack of water. Lets hope for a few more by the weeks end!

Went to a psychic on Saturday and accidentally broke her crystal ball. Ended up costing me a fortune....

09/05/17 No fish to record today although one was lost early doors from the Falls this morning. Still quite a bitterly cold wind for now. There were a good few fish showing down at Seapool yesterday afternoon but they are in the doldrums today for some reason. Always tomorrow.

I just phoned the Amputees Helpline but was cut off....

05/05/17 Our week 11 owners left early this morning to start their long journey home to Hants. A wise decision given our present conditions of low water and really bright sunshine.  Not a bad week's spring salmon fishing though and I look forward to seeing them on the water next year.

I read that we only use 10% of our brains. I wonder what the other half is for?

04/05/17 We have had really bright conditions all day so no real suprise that there are no fish to record. The river is dropping away daily and things will only get tougher as these conditions persist. Thats salmon fishing.. "Should have been here last week, should be arriving here next week" I'm sure we've all heard it before!

I've had to take a second job working in a bakery. I knead the dough

03/05/17 The expression "keep a flea on the water" really exemplifies todays catch. 2 fresh fish, 10lb, 9lb, both taken in bright sunshine and with just 6 inches on the gauge! Fantastic!  Well done again!      

If you want someone to listen to you start the chat with 'I shouldn’t be telling you this but...”

02/05/17 Extremely pleased to add one more fish to the tally today at 7lb from Hut Pool. This was taken before todays incessant sunshine really got going. It looks like similar tactics will be required for the rest of the week. Realistically, early morning, late night visits are the only option until we get better conditions. Well done!

01/05/17 No fish reported in so far, a fair breeze on the go just now. Some really nice and interesting people on the water this week, the first time of meeting. Think they will have fun whatever! There's a lot more to fishing than just fishing.

Three in four Scots would rather walk home from the pub than rely on alternative transport. That's a staggering statistic....

29/04/17 Delighted that Brian Furzer managed a couple of fish during what transpired to be only 2.5 days fishing due to high water. Brian and Peter Raybould have had a few lean years of late so it was great to see them both have fish. Very sportingly, they chose to return all but 2 of their 5 total, with the 2 retained being badly hooked. I'm sure they enjoyed their week as much as I enjoyed their company.

Earlier on today I slipped on the floor of our local library-I was in the non-friction section..

28/04/17 810pm and nothing reported in so far... Now where have all the fish that I saw running in yesterday gone to? No sign of them running the Falls yesterday or today. Down in the depths of Beat 1 is my guess.

Our local Police are looking for a mugger who threatens his victims with a lit match..They need to catch him before he strikes again..

27/04/17 A good run of fish on just now. Nothing showing at the Falls but there's plenty coming in on the tide today. The next day or so should yield results if fished.

I landed myself a part time job with the Samaritans last week. Tried to phone in sick this morning but they talked me out of it...

26/04/17 A double for Peter Raybould today with a fine 12lb fish from Rock Pool (returned) followed up by another from Byre at 7lb. With the river now falling away to more sensible levels, I'm confident of further success as the week progresses.

Peter Raybould into a fine 12 pounder with 'ghillie' Brian Furzer ready to lend a hand. The fish, estimated at 12lb was safely released.

 

Peter Raybould with 'Ghillie' Brian Furzer on hand at Rock Pool today.

25/04/17 Another day of unfishable water I'm afraid. 38 inches and still rising at 1pm today. Hopefully things should settle off and fishing can resume towards the end of the week. Day time temperature didn't rise above zero again today. Not very helpful Nature at times...

24/04/17 10 inches on the gauge when I arrived this morning at 0850am. By 530pm when I left for the day we had 28 inches on the gauge and the river was unfishable. The day temperature never rose above 0c! Below is my approach home this evening. Yes, that's snow your seeing!

21/04/17 A nice wee overnight rise in water levels to 11 inches at Brogie today. Newly ploughed fields meant that a dirty river was inevitable, however with a fair bit of activity observed at Brogie this afternoon I would expect some fish landed tomorrow.

Apparently Clubbers in Leeds are using dental syringes to inject liquid Ecstacy directly into their mouths. A dangerous practice known as 'E by Gum'..

20/04/17 Our one angler took a lovely fresh liced fish of 8lb from the Leans today. High Westerly winds are forecast for tommorow and the rain that was due has yet to appear, still, not a bad week so far. I just wish pillow and duvet salesmen would stop talking down to you.... 

19/04/17 A wee fish of 5lb today from Byre but welcome all the same. Today saw fish waiting in the bay to run and there's some rain due tomorrow morning, however we are now down to just the one rod fishing. My doctor says I have an irrational fear of giants. I've got Feefiphobia......

17/04/17 Another fish today, this time from the Falls. I've lost count of the number of times that an angler catches a fish from the Falls on a Monday morning after it's been rested on the Sunday. Only 2 owners have turned up to fish their week. A local shopkeeper asked me why I wanted to buy 20 bottles of Tippex this morning. Big mistake....

14/04/17 Overnight rainfall gave us a very welcome 11 inches on the marker today. Tiffany Fraser lost a good fish at the net in Byre but it was fantastic to hear that her 11 year old daughter landed a 6lb fresh fish from the same pool just a short while later which was safely returned. Well done Amy! Prospects are looking good for the next few days if conditions hold....

13/04/17 Delighted for owner J Rix who landed a fine fresh 8.5lb fish from Rock Pool today. A far better fishing day and if we can hold onto our water into next week, there should be no reason for not adding onto our seasons tally. Just started an engraving course. There's loads to take in and so far we've barely scratched the surface....

12/04/17 Not the Falls however a beautiful 9lb sealiced fish was landed in Leans today in what can only be described as horrendous conditions-50mph winds and showers, cold too at 6c. My predictions re water levels were also sadly wrong..We have a steady 9 inches on the Crosskirk gauge which should hold into next week if the showers persist. I would hope we pick up the odd fish as the week progresses.

11/04/17 A nice rise in water level to 9 inches and still rising when I left around 3pm this afternoon. Not a soul fishing which is a shame as the first 2 or so hours of a rising river can be really productive. I'm expecting 14 plus inches on the gauge when I go over tomorrow at a guess and I'm hoping for clean water. First to the Falls should surely pick up a fish..

10/04/17 Baltic down at Crosskirk today with only 1c on the mercury. If we get the rain forecast for Tuesday without it going too mad, I'm hopeful of a few fish before the weeks end. We only have a couple of rods out on the river due to unforeseen circumstances.

I've been told by many people that I'm a wanton plagiarist-their words not mine....

06/04/17 A wee kelt was released yesterday evening followed up by another today, all from Beat 1. Mike Shepley briefley connected with a springer and had further interest by the Hut Pool.  Beat 1 is sometimes overlooked in favour of the streamier water found on 2 but I'm convinced that's where our early fish reside.

Our smolts are now on the start of their journey to sea..

As an aside... I found these letters in the big shed. What to do with them? A few letters missing but pyrography springs to mind once I find my Iron!

05/04/17 Another day of gales I'm afraid. At least a few fish were seen in Long Pool. With only 6 inches on the gauge it's a struggle.

WARNING! I just got an email in offering pork, gelatin and salt in a can. If you recieve the same please don't open it..It's SPAM.....

03/04/17 A well mended kelt was landed on Beat 1 as I was installing this downstream from Hut Pool. I've decided to call it the 'Lambert Walk'. You know who you are!

31/03/17 It's difficult looking after an elderly parent with dementia. Have to keep going.... I'm hoping our wee river fills up over the weekend for our week 7 anglers. It's raining for now but will it be enough?

30/03/17 Boat trailers-great for transporting long items like these walkways for Beats one and three. Lovely day for working but not for fishing. 

My luggage was destroyed by an airline on arrival at Heathrow. I wanted to sue but my Lawyer doesn't think I have much of a case...

28/03/17 Another change in weather after some glorious sunshine over the weekend. We now have a cold East wind and drizzle to contend with and the air temperature is down to 3c. I note that there is some rain on the way which is very welcome as the gauge was showing 7 inches this morning.

Feeling depressed? Take 2 pints of water before going to bed. It will give you a reason for getting up in the morning....

24/03/17 No joy today. A better fishing day too and the river is in fine fettle. Tomorrow maybe? I have to go down to Glasgow in the morning and won't be back until late Sunday evening so the weekly report may be slightly delayed.

I asked Helen what she wanted for her birthday. She said "Nothing would make make happier than diamond earrings". So I got her nothing..

23/03/17 A couple of rods had a morning on the river today which was looking perfect at 14 inches. Nothing to report though. The bright sunshine won't have helped. One fish was spooked at Lower Style so caution is advised whilst working your way down the pools.

Helen advised me early this morning that our garden moles have gone too far this time....

22/03/17 2 fish were spooked at Kerwins yesterday with a water height of 8 inches. Today when I went over this had risen to 17 inches at Crosskirk. Sat with Dave Martin outside the bothy this afternoon and watched a fish run in off the tide. There are fish there to be had....

16/03/17 No rods out today. More gales and rain, bitterly cold at 2c. Hope we get improving conditions by the morning. I started my working life as a masseur but got sacked for rubbing people up the wrong way...

15/03/17 A far better fishing day but the one rod that was out has reported in blank-still,  he had 2 fish yesterday! I must get a water temperature in the morning. We have 9 inches at Crosskirk and this should hold for a day or so with the showers this afternoon.

Just heard news that a Caithness lorry has crashed on the A9 Southbound, fully loaded with the latest Thesaurus. Apparently bystanders were stunned, bewildered, dumfounded, astonished, shocked, startled and amazed...

14/03/17 A day of gales and rain however this didn't deter Dave Martin who landed 2 fish at 11.5lbs and 13lbs from Falls and Byre today-both before 10am and both off the tide. Well done Dave. It just goes to show, regardless of conditions there's always a chance of a fish if you fish..

12/03/17 Enough said after yesterdays dismal performance. Congratulations to the England Team..

11/03/17 I can't make it to Twickenham this afternoon. However.......

09/03/17 Alastair Jappy seen here receiving a bottle of Old Pulteney from yours truly for the first fish of the season. 10 minutes prior to this photo having been taken, Alastair landed our second fish of the season from the tail of the Falls Pool. A beautiful fresh cock fish of 8lbs which was safely returned to continue it's journey. Well done Alastair!

08/03/17 Alastair releases the first of the season. Click here to view video on utube.

08/03/17 Alastair Jappys first fish of the 2017 season which was estimated at 10lb and safely returned.

07/03/17 Delighted to report our first of the season!  Taken by Alastair Jappy from the head of the Long Pool with a river level of 19 inches. It weighed in at approx 10lb and was safely released as per legislation. I will be presenting Alastair with the bottle of Old Pulteney Whisky in the next day or so and hope to get a few pictures posted on here then.

05/03/17 Not quite as much water as I thought, but plenty enough. Could be a few days before a line is wet again. I was out at the new Grand National themed restaurant in Thurso last night-ordered a Non-starter.

01/03/17 Dave Martin apparently lost some fingers around 3pm this afternoon therefore no real need to give a weather report, but watch out for dried out didgits on the banks in the months ahead!. Pity really as the river is sitting at a very sexy 13 inches at the Seapool gauge. It just needs to warm up a bit! I've just completed an Optimism Course-the class was half empty...

28/02/17 Rivers been a tad too high past few days for any serious fishing and yet more rain on the way. Short of cash? Borrow it from a pessimist-he won't expect it back..

25/02/17 Due to on-going work by the webmaster for this website I am unable to publish my weekly fishing report this week. No fish have yet to be recorded and the river now sits at around the 20 inch mark from Monday's 10 inches. The weather over the last few days has been very unpredicatable indeed with gale force winds and rain to pleasant the next. With the water dropping off over the weekend, the 2 rods that have been fishing on an ad hoc basis should have more of a chance of that elusive Springer next week. I note that the Thurso had it's first of 2017 today at 18lb from Beat 7.

24/02/17 Almost had a cast myself today but on seeing the water at 18 inches and running very dirty I didn't bother. Hopefully it will clear itself out come the morning. 

Scratching my head over a crossword clue which just says: 'Jesus was crucified' It's 2 across.

23/02/17 A friend gave me this 2.5 foot implement to help with the work on the river but what's it for? Answers on a postcard to davidholmes666@btinternet.com

22/02/17 No weather in it today with the arrival of Doris. Thursday looks more favourable.

I've always been the kind of person who likes to think outside of the box. Although it killed my career as a goalkeeper....

21/02/17 Bugger! Excuse the French! Dave Martin lost a fish from the Falls Pool this morning! Apparently it was in the net but still escaped a landing. You always remember the fish you lose if that's any consolation? Hopefully we will have a first of the season in the book soon.

Helen says she's leaving me because of my obsession with 'Who Wants To Be A Millionaire'. I said "is that your final answer".....

20/02/17

Glad to get this lot 'rewired' and finished. I call it the Long Walkway for a reason.....!

23/01/17 Finally got the 'wee tree' out at the weekend.

20/01/17 The 'wee' tree at Long Pool decided to take a swim! Ended up 20m upstream of Crosskirk bridge! At least now I'll be able to pull it out with the van.

18/01/16 The 'wee' tree at Long Pool is no longer with us. (not so 'wee' after all)  I have to remove it when the snowmelt subsides-wonder how many fleas are stuck on it? In the meantime I've made a couple more walkways for Beats 1 & 3. You should never trust a man with too tidy a shed!

03/01/17 Crikey, 51 today. How did that happen? The Balvennie is all gone but there's a Glen Moray Port Cask to sample.

01/01/17 A Happy New Year to all Forss owners and guests! Let's hope for another fishy season ahead!